Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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