Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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