god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
