I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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