i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
