my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
