I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
