I haven't been this sober since birth.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
