I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think i got beer on your cat.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
