this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
