He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I looked at my own cervix.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
