I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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