I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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