I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
