Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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