these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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