i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
