she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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