I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
