I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
