Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
