So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
