I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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