I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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