I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
