i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
