We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize