plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize