I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize