Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
