a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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