oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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