i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize