Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
