She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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