You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
