Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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