Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
