Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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