I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
