U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize