your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize