and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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