Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
