so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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