I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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