You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
