Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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