it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
