Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
