Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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