one two three fourrrrnication!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
