I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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