I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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