I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
