Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
