So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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